iwillescape.com

It’s 12:30 and I’m sitting at my computer wondering what the point of it all is. I haven’t written in a few days and I know that my problem is that I am afraid to get out of my comfort zone and try something new. Nobody reads this blog on a regular basis, and I’m afraid to write how I feel! I’m afraid to try to launch a business, because I’ve never been in business for myself. It’s scary to think that I could potentially become financially independent of a JOB and have whatever my heart desires.

It appears to me that I am afraid of success. I’m afraid not of failing as I have failed so many times in my life and learned so much from it. I am afraid of succeeding. I’m afraid of one of my hair brained ideas actually putting money into my bank account. I’m afraid.

What I’m not afraid of is struggling. For the past year I have had ZERO extra money while I paid off 15,000.00 in credit card debt. This year, from January to now I have been putting every spare penny into savings, actually essential pennies. I cut myself short every month and get down to my last 10 dollars, but I do put over 800 a month in the bank. I’m not afraid of struggling, it’s alright, I’ve been doing it. I’m inconvenienced, I’m stressed out, I’m unhappy but I’m ok with it. Just saying those words, or writing them I should say, makes me sick.

I am NOT ok with waking up at 7am, throwing on some clothes, fighting the morning commute to sit at a desk and make some large multi-national, faceless/souless mega-conglomerate tons of money while I drive around in a 1997 beat up blue chevy with torn seats dreaming about my next new car, which will happen precisely never. The deck has been stacked against the middle class. In fact, the middle class is the new poor. Living in the middle class now means living at the poverty line instead of right below it. It used to be that the middle class still had nice cars and sent their kids to college. Now it means carrying tons of consumer debt and getting a reverse mortgage. It means your kids pay for their own college, which means that your kids enter life 60k in debt and when you die, your house has been mortgaged to the hilt and they won’t get a penny for it, so not only do they start life in debt, YOU WON’T PASS ANYTHING ON TO THEM WHEN YOU’RE GONE. Except some nice pieces of crappy costume jewelry. It means that your grandkids will suffer the same fate. The rich get richer and the poor get poor, do you know why? Because the rich live off of the backs of the poor masses. The middle class are now getting it stuck to them, or maybe they always have been and I’m just realizing it.

Gas is at 4 dollars a gallon, food prices are increasing dramatically, the credit crunch is worsening, and most people are completely out of touch with reality. I cannot in good conscience, know this and not take advantage of it.

My plan is to finish my ebook and get it online in the next week. I need to set goals. I want to build race cars, I want to sleep in hammocks with my wonderful wife. I want to live on an island in the south pacific, I want to escape.